Confession About Confession

How do we begin the confession?
We begin by saying: "Bless me, Father, in this confession.  It is - a week, or a month -(state the length of time) - since my last confession. I accuse myself of the following sins."
(A Catechism for inquirers by Rev. Joseph I. Malloy,C.S.P (Revised Edition - 1960) The Missionary Society of St. Paul the Apostle in the State of New York)

What the Roman Catholic Church Says about Confession:

 The Council of Trent (1551) declares:
As a means of regaining grace and justice, penance was at all times necessary for those who had defiled their souls with any mortal sin. . . . Before the coming of Christ, penance was not a sacrament, nor is it since His coming a sacrament for those who are not baptized. But the Lord then principally instituted the Sacrament of Penance, when, being raised from the dead, he breathed upon His disciples saying: 'Receive ye the Holy Ghost. Whose sins you shall forgive, they are forgiven them; and whose sins you shall retain, they are retained' (John 20:22-23). By which action so signal and words so clear the consent of all the Fathers has ever understood that the power of forgiving and retaining sins was communicated to the Apostles and to their lawful successors, for the reconciling of the faithful who have fallen after Baptism. (Sess. XIV, c. i)

Chapter I

My life started in a small village, which situated on the main road passing through, connecting other major towns. Such a sleepy village suddenly becomes a very vibrant, very well known in that southernmost district, and become municipal town, all because of the establishment of a big cement factory in year 1949.


Among the nearly 2000 employees, a handful of dedicated and pious Christian families belong to two prominent Christian denominations - Protestant Christians called CSI (Church of South India) and Roman Catholic settled in on-Christian environment.

My family belongs to the latter, Roman Catholic. My parents had kind of strong religious roots.   My uncle, Dad's brother was Catholic and that includes few Nuns too. There were only a handful of families- may be 15 or 20 families living in commune style of life.
Most of them uprooted from their own community, their families and relatives. They are all from different social background, different caste - but one thing common among them, they all have a strong religious belief and want their children to be rooted strongly into Christian faith.
How they built a Church in that small village with handful of strong minded Catholics, whose income very much an average, is a different story, an interesting one. That's my next posting.

 Chapter II

St. Augustine (d. 430) warns the faithful: "Let us not listen to those who deny that the Church of God has power to forgive all sins" (De agon. Christ., iii).


Preparation for the First Communion

Most of them newly married or just got married when they arrived in that small village. A few came with their kids. For the Catholic a priest comes every Sunday in a bull-a-cart to do the Mass, travelling nearly 15 miles from his main Parish Church. He usually comes early to visit the families in their homes. Some time he comes for lunch, stay till he leaves for mass. He knows each and every family member very well. After all only a handful of Catholic families as his congregation.

The families decided to give First Communion to their children. They are so concerned that children are not brought up in right environment, a Christian environment, to lead a true Christian life (whatever that means), since we all living among the high cast, very conservative Hindu families. Their life starts with prayer - in very early morning. We all used woke up in the morning by their chanting of their prayers and bells ringing during their 'Pooja'.
One day, a two petite size Nuns appeared in our front door, along with an active Church member, declared the Good News to our parent, the Nuns are going to be with us for a week or two, to give a crash course on catechism, to prepare us for communion. I could not recall very much what they taught but one thing I remembered very well, they provided a short list of Sins, we can confess as an example. I think seeing such an innocent kids from that small village, may be in their mind they wondered what kind of sins these kids would have done. I remembered that list of sins they mentioned very well- I got the idea now, and only struggle is memorizing the things we have to tell at the confessional chair.

 Chapter III

Cardinal Newman's argument: 'How many souls are there in distress, anxiety and loneliness, whose one need is to find a being to whom they can pour out their feelings unheard by the world. They want to tell them and not to tell them, they wish to tell them to one who is strong enough to hear them, and yet not too strong so as to despise them'";

My First Confession:


My brain is so weak - either it is school studies or for that matter anything to be memorized, my brain doesn't work, nothing will be saved in my little brain. That includes these small things I have to recite to the Priest before he gives the green signal, to confess our sins.
That day, I am so nervous, not because I have to confess the sins to the priest sitting in the confessional chair who just had his lunch at our house that day - but for the fact what I feared, I may forget the things I have to tell before and after my confession.
I am not very much shy at all to confess the sins to that priest- hey! I have to confess something, and he knows it.
I was pretty comfortable with the list of sins which is not a tough job at all. Already I have a long list – the Nuns told us, few are enough! I already selected few – kept ready few more, in case I forget something out of the list.

Chapter IV

 "Let him beware of betraying the sinner by word or sign or in any other way whatsoever. . . we decree that he who dares to reveal a sin made known to him in the tribunal of penance shall not only be deposed from the priestly office, but shall moreover be subjected to close confinement in a monastery and the performance of perpetual penance" (Fourth Lateran Council, cap. xxi; Denzinger, "Enchir.", 438). Furthermore, by a decree of the Holy Office (18 Nov., 1682), confessors are forbidden, even where there would be no revelation direct or indirect, to make any use of the knowledge obtained in confession that would displease the penitent, even though the non-use would occasion him greater displeasure.

Top in the list is stealing!

Hey guys, remember, only the Priest could not let out the Sins heard at the confessional chairs! But we can – to my knowledge there is any Cannon law to prevent that.
Stealing is a sort of sports for me, a game! Sometime my Mom matches me and beat me in the game! Sometime literally! Ironically my stealing sin goes up in numbers during the festival times, like Christmas and New Year’s!  During that time, temptation without Eve, numbers will go up!
During that time, my Mom prepares varieties of sweets and other tasty snacks. All kept in the kitchen safely in the containers on the shelf –an L –Shaped wall, almost 7 or more than 7 feet high.
After school always I was out there in the street very actively involved in games. In a very quick, lightning speed, I will be inside the kitchen, on the kitchen shelf, hand and legs spread-out like a spider man. I make sure I could hear my Mom talking to the neighbor outside in the backyard.
My Mom, couple of times, I think, supersonic speed, will appear behind me – tell gently that’s not the place she kept the things, and advised don’t waste time and go back to the game!
I prepared a list of Sins I should share (?) with the Priest. I always kept ready different combination of Sins, so it should not be repetitive. It needs little home work.
Later the quality of Sins become high, I stopped confession. Some of the so called sins look like never going to be stopped in near future. Of course stealing of my Mom’s foods stopped long time ago. That was replaced with somewhat serious sins- I think!



                       We confess venial sins and imperfections, especially any habitual faults.
                                    (A Catechism for Inquirers By Rev. Joseph I. Malloy C.S.P)

Down the road, it becomes volumes after volumes of Sins piled up which could only be written as a book, not to be shared, even with a priest.
Later when I learned some priest defrocked (for their misdeed or fallen out-of-line with church), or requested to be defrocked for their own personal reason like to get married. I thought, wait a minute- the same very person whom we shared our Sins going to live among us.

Like so many laypeople I formed my own reason, theological reasoning.
And
I quit.

                        Can there be a Sacrament of Penance without a confession of sins?
             Yes; if a person is physically unable to confess his sins, he may simply give some sign of  sorrow, 
             and the priest will pronounce the Absolution. 
                                (A Catechism for Inquirers By Rev. Joseph I. Malloy C.S.P)
                          If we are not guilty of any mortal sin, what sins do we confess?

 
That brought people from different parts of India and nearby towns for employment.

If any of the above writings, after reading brought back your old memories, and/or feel heavy in heart with your volumes of Sins - to make you relax I share the below jokes !

Scene: New York City, man is going to jump off the building. Up rushes good Irish cop. Cop yells up to the man "Don't jump! Think of your father"
Man replies "Haven't got a father; I'm going to jump."
The copy goes through a list of relatives, mother, brothers, sister, etc. Each time man says "haven't got one; going to jump."
Desperate the cop yells up "Don't jump! Think of the Blessed Virgin"
Man replies "Who is that?"
Cop yells "Jump, Protestant! You're blocking traffic!"

A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the countryside with a wee dog that he loved and doted on. After many long years of faithful companionship, the dog finally died, so Muldoon went to the parish priest:
"Father, my dear old dog is dead. Could you be saying a Mass for him?"
Father Patrick replied, "I am so very sorry to hear about your dog's death. But, unfortunately, I can't say Mass for the poor creature..."
Muldoon said, "I understand, Father, I do. I guess I'll go to this new denomination down the road; no tellin' what they believe... Do you think $500 is enough to donate for the service?"
Father Patrick: "Why didn't you tell me your wee dog was Catholic?!"

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: "Jesus is watching you!"
Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again. The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot. He asked the parrot:
"Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?" "Yes," said the parrot. The burglar breathed a sigh of relief and asked the parrot: "What's your name?" "Clarence," said the bird.
"That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?" The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Doberman Jesus."

Not so very long ago, an old German man was feeling guilty about something he had done, so he decided to go to Confession.
He said, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I feel terrible because during World War II I hid a refugee in my attic."
The priest said, "But that's not a sin! I wouldn't feel bad about that if I were you!"
"But I made him agree to pay me 50 Marks for every week he stayed."
The priest said, "Well, I admit that certainly wasn't the most noble thing to do, charging the man to save his life -- but you did save his life, after all, and that is a good thing. Don't worry about it too much; God forgives."
The man said, "Oh thank you, Father, that eases my mind. I have only one more question to ask you -- Do I have to tell him the war is over?"

A man suffered a serious heart attack and had an open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic Hospital.
As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding how he was going to pay for his treatment. She asked if he had health insurance.
He replied, in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."
The nun asked if he had money in the bank.
He replied, "No money in the bank."
The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help you?"
He said, "I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun."
The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."
The patient replied, "Send the bill to my Brother-in-law."

A man walks into a monastery and says “I want to be monk.”
The abbot replies “Great! But you realize we are not allowed to talk except every ten years.”
The man replies “Fine.”
Ten years go by and the man goes into the abbot’s office. The abbot asks, “Well my son what have you to say.
The man replies “Bed’s hard.”
The abbot remarks, “Is that it?”
The man says, “Yes”.
Another ten years go by and the man goes into the abbot’s office and says, “Food stinks!”
The abbot asks, “Is that it?”
And the man says “Yes.”
Another ten years goes by and the man goes into the abbot’s office and says “Water’s cold. I quit!”
And the abbot replies, “Figures! You’ve been complaining ever since you got here!"

Jesus was walking along one day, when He came upon a group of people surrounding a lady of ill repute. It was obvious that the crowd was preparing to stone her, so Jesus made His now-famous statement, "Let the person who has no sin cast the first stone."
The crowd was shamed and one by one began to turn away. All of a sudden, a lovely little woman made her way through the crowd. Finally getting to the front, she tossed a pebble towards the woman.
Jesus looks over and says, "I really hate it when you do that, Mom."

The 98 year old Mother Superior from Ireland was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink but she refused. Then one of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a generous amount into the warm milk. Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop. "Mother," the nuns asked with earnest, "please give us some wisdom before you die."
She raised herself up in bed and with a pious look on her face said, "Don't sell that cow.

There are 3 fundamental truths about religion: Jews don't recognize Jesus as the Son of God, Protestants don't recognize the Pope as the Vicar of Christ, and Baptists don't recognize each other at the bar on Saturday nights.

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" "Just water," says the priest, fingers crossed. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?" The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

Mother 1: My son is a priest. When he enters the church, everyone
says, Good morning Father. (And she's very proud)
Mother 2: My son is a bishop; everyone says, Good morning Your Excellency. (And she's very very proud)
Mother 3: My son is a cardinal; everyone says, Good morning Your Eminence. (And she's extremely proud).
All 3 look at Mother 4 and see what she has to say.
Mother 4: Oh, my son is not a priest. He's just a layman. And he's 350 pounds & 7 foot 6. And when he enters the church, everyone says, OH MY GOD!!!




AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.
BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending Mass.
CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to lip-sync.
HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.
HYMN: A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.
RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.
JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to found colleges with good basketball teams.
PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats.
RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.
RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.
TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.
USHERS: The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew.

Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl".

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Parisi ?"

"Yes, Father, it is."

"And who was the girl you were with?"

"I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation."

" Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Teresa Volpe?"

"I'll never tell."

"Was it Nina Capelli?"

"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."

"Was it Cathy Piriano?"

"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?"

"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, Joey Parisi, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and Whispers, "What'd you get?"

"4 months vacation and five good leads."